Fairytale.

No one loves a good Disney classic better than I do... I mean, I can't get into the shower without singing "Under the Sea" but have we really considered the message of the Disney-fied versions. Don't worry. This won't be a an anti-princess post. I love a good extra-feminine, girly-girl.

Let's take my FAVORITE of all time, Ariel. The beautiful, adventure-seeking daughter of the Sea King was only 16 when she decided to blatantly defy her father and consult a witch to get close to a man that she had never met before. Sounds crazy, right?

The crazy part is that it all worked out in the end. Be rebellious and consort with some shady people to be with a man who doesn't know you and you don't know either... And before you know

it, you're in a puffy-sleeved, bedazzled wedding gown on a boat marrying this stranger (who happens to be smoking HOT).

The REAL little mermaid (written by Hans Christian Andersen) DIES and becomes sea foam

.... which may be what happens to you if you sell your voice to a sorceress and marry a man who has never even heard that voice before. Tragic. Moral: Rebelling against your parents pays o

ff in the end... because of course, you know best at sixteen.

Nonetheless, still my favorite.

Which classic shall I ruin for you next? Aladdin? Sure.

Ah, those romantic Arabian nights. The desert wind whipping through your hair... a magic carpet ride... living lavishly in the Sultan's palace... and getting involved with a homeless, habitual liar and petty thief. Before you write me off as a cynic, hear me out.

What could these two possibly have in common? He's poor and used to fending for himself. She is rich, spoiled and used to be waited on hand and foot for her every whim... Not to mention that he did nothing but try to conceal his true self their entire courtship. Granted, he did come clean later... but is that any way to start a marriage?

Cynical Yet?

Don't get me started on Belle and her Beast.... I mean, this woman marries a man who not only enslaved her father... but imprisoned her with no remorse or compassion???!!! Wow.

"Please come back to life so I can continue being imprisoned in your dark, spooky castle."

For the sake of time, here's the rest of my shake-down:

Pocahontas: Marries the man who will eventually enslave and destroy her people; not to mention the cultural barrier (Real Pocahontas dies of disease given to her by the "pale face")

Cinderella: Serious daddy issues after he chooses the stepmother over her and suffers years of abuse... clearly she is traumatized. How can they get along after he's been catered to his whole life, and she was THE MAID?

Snow White: Again, marries a guy she doesn't even know... Should you really date a guy who kisses you while you're unconscious? Sleeping Beauty has the same problem.

I hope I haven't ruined Disney for you. I know I still love it. Just like to take a look at it from an adult perspective.